"I don't know what is going on with humanity, but I do know that as much as their is shit and darkness that tries to make us feel like its worthless there is bigger and better things happening. Love is here, it is with us and alive, it is part of who we are and sometimes that doesn't show and we let the evil in the world overwhelm us. We can't though, this is a beautiful mess we are in and we need to love it as best and as fiercely as we can" -Josh Peterson
He proceed to send me this picture the next morning:
I need these reminders because sometimes life refuses to relent.
I spent the evening with one of my closest friends last night, she has more on her plate than any person should. I spent the evening doing my best to support her. I spent the rest of the night lying awake and wondering why the most amazing people sometimes are dealt the toughest hands.
And then this morning I met with my training group, TNT, for those who don't know TNT is the abbreviation for Team In Training. We are a group that runs to raises money for people with blood cancers. We started this mornings group talking about "Missions". Missions are the people we are running for. One of my teammates told us about a friend who was recently diagnosed with leukemia, another teammate told us about Sophia, a one year old, who is about to pass from lymphoma.
It stories like my friend's, and the missions I run for, that are putting life in perspective for me. It people like Josh, who remind me that we live in a beautiful world.
This is necessary, especially on days like today. Today, I am having one of those days where life seems unreasonably hard, but I have to remind myself that in comparison my life is simple, but I also have to remind myself life is not about comparing. It is about feeling and accepting how we feel.
Feelings I am realizing can be paralyzing or they can create a revolution.
I have recently been feeling really angry with life. My trust in life and in people have been shattered. I am OK with being a recluse. Except I know I need people. I need people in my life that support me and help me grow into the person I envision myself to be. I know I have these people in my life but for a long time I didn't reach out.
When I was with Jordan I thought I was comfortable about being stagnant. Now that I look back, my seemingly irrational unhappiness, those talks we had and he didn't understand where they where coming from (and at times I didn't know where they were coming from) are starting to make sense. My subconscious was pushing me towards self-growth. I still want to push back, but I cannot.
I fear being alone, I fear change, but I know I cannot stay where I am, who I am. Through my convictions I will grow. It is my duty, because people like Sophia, will never have the chance to struggle with life. I cannot let this precious life go to waste.
As living beings it is our duty to live fully with whatever hand we are dealt.
Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still. -Chinese Proverb
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