Flaws

I went to therapy the other night. It was my first time with this therapist. A few years ago I had possibly the best therapist ever. When we ended meeting I wrote her a letter and told her I considered her like family. She got me through my hardest times in life. I will always miss her.

But the other therapist I had just a few months ago was just not cutting it. I mean she was fine but she was very psychoanalytical. I understand my past has shaped me but I really don't think dissecting every moment in my life, especially my childhood, is going to help me in the present.

So I have this new therapist that is very quirky and fun, but for people who have not been to therapy, well its very strange especially when the therapist has to diagnose you for insurance to cover it. I spent 50 minutes of my night being analyzed and told what my diagnosis are.

Apparently I have generalized anxiety disorder and body dysmorphic disorder. OK, thanks, that helps a whole a lot, NOT.

 It's the one part I hate about therapy, being put into a label.

It's like you tell them your greatest flaws just to be put into a box, I don't want to be put in a box. That is exactly what I am trying to get out of.

My new therapist said "Society pushes the ideal that if a person is comfortable in their own skin they will be extroverted, outgoing, and showing signs of happiness, introversion is not recognized and appreciated in out society."

Can I get an Amen?

My therapist said this comment when I spoke about being a painfully shy child and still struggling socially. I have come a long way, but I mostly go with the motto "fake it till you make it."

I may come across as confident but most of the time I am about to shit my pants and really just want to go hide.

I question this regularly. What makes me want to push past my social awkwardness? What makes me want to go to therapy?

My therapist told me I am determined and she just might be right.

I am determined not to remain stagnant. I am determined to grow. I refuse to let my flaws affect how I interact with life.

I believe once people start truly accepting their flaws they can begin to live. The word flaws does not have to have a negative connotation.

Flaw is defined as:
an imperfection or weakness and especially one that detracts from the whole or hinders effectiveness 

I don't see people as being one whole unit, I believe in the totality of the world  in which we are all pieces. Essentially human kind is a multiplicity of pieces that make up a whole, kind of like a puzzle.  

So when the definition of flaws says detracts from the whole it is not speaking to the whole of a person. It is the whole of the world. 

For those of you who are not religious you may not resonate with my belief, but God gave his son because he knew human kind was flawed. Our flaws that detract from the whole are mitigated through God's grace. 

We can make mistakes but it is up to us to keep moving forward and evolving 

“We are all wonderful, beautiful wrecks. That's what connects us--that we're all broken, all beautifully imperfect.” -Emilio Estevez