Cultivation

I had a friend tell me today by day 31 I will have nothing to say in my blog anymore. I think that is exactly what is wrong with our society, we allow ourselves to plateau, to not push past what seems like a barrier.

Most days I sit down at my computer and have no idea what I will end up typing and that is the most therapeutic thing about this blog. This is not premeditated, there are not multiple rough drafts. It is just my honest thoughts, typed out. I don't sit here long  enough to think about if I want people to actually read what is going on inside my head. (Sorry folks, your stuck with my random ramblings!)

But in all honesty, this blog makes me feel vulnerable, it is a very healing experience to be completely yourself.

I find that is something I have been working on, cultivating relationships where I am completely myself. I have been blessed to have beautiful people placed in my life.

Since Jordan and I parted ways I have found myself reaching out to two different kinds of people. People who push  me to be a better person and people who drag me back to my old ways. I have always been drawn to people who drag me back to my old ways. It is easy, it is comfortable. I do not worry about being judged. I do not have to worry about being pushed.

But when the sun sets and I am alone at night I have to live with myself and my actions and lately that hasn't been a very good feeling.

I am beginning to recognize what it feels like to be actually happy, to go to bed at night smiling and wake up in the morning truly excited to see what the day holds.

I spoke yesterday about Brene Brown's book, The Gift of Imperfection. Last night I read about the difference of happiness and joy.

Happiness is a state of emotion, joy is a way of life.

When a person lives a life that is joyful, they hold gratitude towards life and the things in it. A person can live a life of joy and not always be happy.

I never made this discernment. I always thought my goal in life was to be happy and lately I have not been happy but I am joyful because I hold gratitude for the people in my life that have shaped me and have stood by me through thick and thin.

I am working on waking up every day and thinking about one thing I am grateful for and one thing I love about myself. It sounds silly typing it, but I cannot think of a better way to start the day.

I feel like most days start with "I didn't get enough sleep", or "I didn't get enough done yesterday, today is going to be long", etc.

There is a common theme in society of not having enough, we are always striving for more and to a point I believe that is healthy but I think we first need to start appreciating what we do have and who we have in our life.

If all we do is push forward, we miss what is standing right in front of us.

Sometimes you don't realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness. -Susan Gale