Running The Big Sur

I ran the Big Sur Marathon yesterday, so naturally I have to blog about it.

The whole experience was a whirl wind. Leading up to it I was convinced my body was telling me NOT to do. 

I had (well have, back to stage one of healing) a serious hamstring strain and 4 days before the race I got a nasty head cold but I am stubborn and refused to let anything stop me. 

Luckily I had outside strength to support me. My spectacular sister and niece surprised me and came with me down to the race, I cannot really put into words how much this meant to me. My sister has always been my hero, role model and strength ever since I was little I have looked up to her, so knowing she was at the end of the course gave me the strength I needed to cross that finish line. 

I also had my Team In Training peeps. I can better explain how amazing they are when I tell you about the day’s events.

Alright, so Big Sur Marathon, you have to get bused to the start.

So my team and I roll our asses out of bed at 3am, my amazing roomie made me coffee as I tried to clear my lungs of phlegm and empty my nose.

We all meandered down to the busses and loaded on. It is really quiet a sick way to start the race. The buses take you up the race course in the pitch black so you can feel the hills but you have no idea what it is actually like. 

One of my race mates said and I quote “what kind of maniacal genius created this race?” 

We then were put in this tiny waiting area with thousands of other runners who are waiting to start the race. (excuse my crude humor but it kind of felt like a refugee camp) There were port-a-potty galore (which stank like nervous poops) coffee and bananas. It was strange. Luckily for my team, my brilliant teammate Kevin brought mustaches so we got to wear mustaches and look like idiots before we started the race.

By the time we were sent to our corrals the sun had risen and we were realizing it would not be a cool day but we didn’t let it phase us, we all hugged and went into our separate racing corrals. I was left with only Kevin in my running corral. He probably knows me the best out of the team and kept reaffirming that I could do this, it was like he knew I needed to keep hearing it.

When the race started it was easy. The first five miles are relatively downhill (by downhill I mean little rolling hills) I was able to shake out my jitters but I also realized my leg wasn’t wanting to cooperate and I had more snot in my nose then I knew what to do with. 

Mile 5-9 is all a blur. I remember singing “They be hating” and forcing myself to hydrate, eat, and trying not to shoot snot rockets on any of the other race participants. 

At mile 9 life got real, in the distance you can see the infamous Hurricane Ridge, the proclaimed hardest hill of the course, its two miles straight up in the sun and wind. At mile 9.5 I made myself stop and go pee and readjust my mind set. (Yeah I totally peed on myself because I was in such a hurry, runners are a rare breed)

When you get to mile ten there are these traditional Asian drummers playing this impending doom song as you start your trek up the hill. It was the first time I really had to reach deep and force myself to keep going 

But when I got to the top I stopped and did a happy dance and celebrated. I literally raised up my arms and screamed! I was so happy and proud.

Miles 12-14 were down hill which were almost worse, so painful (my knees still remind me of that this morning) and mile 15 takes you across this gorgeous bridge that goes over the water. It really is gorgeous. I wish I could have enjoyed it more but I had runner’s brain and sometimes its hard to see the beauty when you are forcing your body to keep functioning. 

At mile 15 I realized I had to eat. This is the point where I almost threw up. Normally I can eat and run but that wasn’t happening. I had to stop and force shot blocks and water down my throat. It was the best decision I have ever made. 

Mile 15-20 were rough, with more hills, wind and sun then I had expected. I eventually ended up chanting “one foot in front of the other” for five miles. I wasn’t the only one who was having a hard time though. One lady running with a friend started crying and said “I cannot do anther hill” I mentally agreed with but kept going.

(I am serious people, this was not an easy race, so many damn hills.) 

At mile 20 it was my turn to cry. My teammate Mindy ran out on the course to mile 20 (major no no considering it was a closed course but it was my saving grace)

I had no energy and need a serious distraction. She talked me through the next mile and a half, reminding me no one at mile 20 feels good, it was normal to feel like death and like you can’t take another step. 

She then handed me off to my coach Michelle who proceeded to sing and dance. She did her best to distract me but those damn hills got the best me and I struggled through the next mile. 

Luckily, Michelle wasn’t my last cheerleader, her husband Matt was also out on the course. Matt has this wonderful aura about him, he just exudes optimism. He got me to mile 23 and went back for other struggling teammates.

Mile 23-26.2 was incredibly grueling. The hills didn’t end until mile 26. Three miles have never felt so long. I counted my steps, lugged my body to every water station and kept going. Every time I stopped to drink water I was surprised I had the strength to start running again. 

The last .6 miles may be the happiest moments of my life. I had a shit eating grin on my face. I was slap happy. I couldn’t get over the fact that I had did it. There were moments were I actually believed I was not going to finish and I had come to terms with that, but I did finish!

I crossed the finish line in tears. They were half tears of joy and half pain. I hobbled to the finishers area where I stumbled around and tried to orient myself. 

My sister found me and started forcing food down my throat. Thank goodness. She made me eat and drink, its hard to remember to rehab your body when all you want to do is collapse. 

I hobbled all the way back to the car blissfully and then hobbled back to the hotel and sat in bed and enjoyed my runner’s high that was well deserved. 

It was the first time I have finished a marathon and didn’t say “I am never doing that again” because this marathon taught me how strong I really am and that I can push through any adversity. 

My sister put it perfectly. The last two marathons I completed I wasn’t in the healthiest place in my life and I didn’t have the support I have now. 

I am now out of that phase and in a new phase in life. This marathon marks what I have overcome and what is to come. 

A lot of people were worried I wouldn’t finished, but I did and I am going to keep surprising people with what I can accomplish! 

"Racing teaches us to challenge ourselves. It teaches us to rush beyond where we thought we could go. It helps us to find out what we are made of. This is what we do. This is what it's all about." -Pattie Sue Plumer

I Am An Addict

I joined Team In Training on a whim.

Really it was a whim. I had RSVP to go to an informational meeting and didn't really know if I would go.

I actually went because at the time I was fighting with my boyfriend, I was hung over and I kind of hated life that day.

So I figured why not...

When I heard Big Sur was a option to race in I was immediately hooked. I mean its Big Sur, any long distance runner knows the glory of Big Sur.

So I pledged to raise 3,500$ for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and signed up for Big Sur.

Fast forward to the present and I have to thank my lucky stars I went to that information meeting, because not being able to run with my bad hamstring is forcing me to remember how much running has saved my life.

I was reminded of this when I read an article about Dick Beardsley.

Yeah he is the guy who raced Alberto Salazar in the famous 82' Boston Marathon but he is also a recovered drug addict.

The article mostly talked about Beardsley running career but what stood out to me was that he was a recovered drug addict.

It took me back to November 2nd, 2010.

It's not a day I really like to relive but it is burned into my memory.

The feelings of fear and anxiety come rushing back to me.

It's hard for me to find the words or the courage to write this story.

I woke up November 2nd in my bed. I didn't know how I got there. This unfortunately was not an unusual occurrence. I had become quiet use to waking up and trying to figure out where I was. I never thought of it as problem.

I had my normal head ache, my bones hurt and jaw was sore from the constant grinding of my teeth. I knew how to alleviate all this. I just had to get my ass out of bed, make some coffee, smoke a cigarette and take a bump of coke.

This was my normal morning routine.

But this morning was different. When I started looking around I realized my sheets had blood on them and I couldn't figure out where it had come from so I dragged myself to the shower to clean up and figure out where I had injured myself.

I half laughed at myself. I had just started healing from falling off a deck and my hand that I sliced open hopping over a barb wire fence finally had started to close.

But when I got in the shower I realized I had no battle wounds but the water was still running red and when I moved my hand away from my face I realized it was my nose.

Unfortunately I had also gotten use to nose bleeds, it comes with the territory of snorting drugs but this nose bleed wouldn't stop.

It just kept bleeding and then I got dizzy and started puking and the rest of the day I have no recollection of.

I had a lot of terrifying moments like this but for some reason this one scared me and I realized I had a serious problem.

I cut myself off from drugs cold turkey which was a battle all on its own and then I started running.

The first run was horrific, I took five steps and about died, but slowly I started going further and doing better.

Eventually I signed up for my first race (it was a 5k).  I shit you not, I ran it, felt like death, sat on the toilet and couldn't stop pooping (sorry runners talk a lot about poop) and broke out in hives.

But I kept running because it kept me responsible and it gave my life purpose. All I really wanted to do was say fuck it and go further down the rabbit hole but I knew staying addicted to coke was only going to ruin my life.

So I ran.

And then I decided to go back to school. I moved in with the most supportive sister a girl could ask for, I started going to therapy and Narcotics Anonymous.

And now it has been four years.

I'll be running my third marathon in 15 days with my amazing team that isn't just about running but about running for those who cannot.

I am no longer just running to save my life, but hopefully I can save other lives too.

I have a very addictive, determined, stubborn personality and I am so thankful the universe offered me a chance to use my personality in the best ways possible.

They say once an addict, always an addict and I am completely OK with being addicted to running.

"We all get addicted to something that takes away the pain" -unknown

Injuries Create Healing...(but seriously)

I was feeling passionate about writing after my first session of acupuncture ever.

And then a lovely fellow blogger let me know my writing inspired her eloquently written blog about how "everything happens for a reason"

I realized the exact same thing after,  scratch that, during my acupuncture session.

I woke up this morning and decided there was no way in hell I was going to work. My leg had kept me up all night, I was emotional, I was empty and I couldn't get my ass out of bed.

I gave myself permission for that to be OK and didn't feel guilty.

Fellow readers: THIS IS A BIG DEAL. I have a hell of a guilty conscious when it comes to missing work, or anything that I am suppose to be doing.

I didn't feel even a little bit guilty, I felt relieved.

HALLEJUAH!

So my day started out well, I iced my leg, worked on some very overdue projects, and cared for me.

And then I went to acupuncture...

It started out normally. I had the normal questions of injury but then the doctor asked me some obscure questions such as:

What do you dream about?
Do you have an appetite?
What do you crave: cold or hot?
Are you normally warm or cool?
Do you have a racing heart?
Do you sweat a lot?
How is your sleep/how often do you wake during the night?
How are your bowel movements?

The strange questions proceeded this way.

I proceeded to say something along the lines of "I am a basket of issues" and the doctor looked at me and said:

"Oh no, all these ailments are interlinked"

In my mind I thought "you have got to be shitting me"
But I was excited that maybe, just maybe, I could be healed.

The doctor explained my crazy, awful dreams, my insomnia, my lack of appetite, my daily anxiety, irritability and general angry overtone were all essentially linked with how my spleen and liver are functioning, or I guess I should say are not functioning.

And a major side-effects of all this are muscles tearing in the body.

BAM!

So I got all excited even before the acupuncture started I was feeling better, because maybe I don't have to feel so awful all the time. That would be considered winning in my books.

So he put the needles in. They were all over, my feet, calfs, knees, hamstrings, ribs, hands, arms and face.

I had explained earlier that I was working on meditating and the doctor told me to meditate on how the needles were making me feel.

I feel so cliché saying this but it was a very out of body experience. Somehow I could think about a lot of my life circumstances without become disabled by emotion.

Once I finished and left I felt a strangely calm and happy and then I read the blog about "everything happening for a reason".

And I have to agree.

I am injured, I got some shit on my plate, but thats OK because it is teaching me and opening me up to new experiences.

Without being injured I would of never tried acupuncture.
Without being injured I would never written my blog that inspired a fellow blogger to write.

The universe, it is an amazing thing especially when you are able to have a positive aura and live in the goodness and see the beauty, even through the bad.

(I realize this is hard, to see the good in all situations, but there is no harm in trying, but I also have to say it is OK to sit with the bad and feel the emotions through difficult situations)

We all just need a healthy balance of accepting emotions and pushing through to the positive. (Yet again, I realize how hard this is)

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves -Buddha