Bestowing Smiles

I woke up at 4 am this morning with the thought "I don't want to go to work".

Then I reminded myself that I am looking for the beauty in the world, the positives, so I told myself that today I was going to look beyond myself and change my mental attitude.

A friend of mine last night was struggling and worrying about what the next day was to hold for him. We didn't talk much about what he was stewing over but I could sense their was a lot on his plate.

So naturally when I woke up at 4 this morning I decided to do crafts. I crafted him a card with a little glittery penguin on it that was adorned with a mustache. I wrote words of encouragement, placed it in a bag, add a Kombucha, (because Kombucha makes everything better) and left it on his door step.

I knew this wouldn't solve his day but I was hoping it would bring at least a smile and let him know he is not alone.

This is something I have always done for my friends and family. I love giving people little surprises that makes them smile and let them know they are loved. My old roommate and I would randomly bring small surprises home and leave them for each other. It was always the best when she said "it made her day" (I am sure it didn't actually but the smallest things can make a difference)

 If I can change a person's day for the better then by damn I am going to do it!

For a while though I lost this passion to make people smile.

I became cynical.

For 3+ years I worked really hard to make Jordan smile. I wanted to give him the world, but the favor was not returned. It was like a empty, black hole of giving and I began thinking "what is the point, no one does anything in return when I go out of my way for them".

But I am realizing that isn't the point. I am not going out of my way to make people's days better because I want someone to do the same for me. I am doing it because that is why I am here. I believe my purpose in life is to help people and let them know they are not alone.

Yeah, it sucked that at the end of mine and Jordan's relationship I felt alone and mistreated but he is the outlier.

I have been blessed with amazing people who love me and remind me the importance of being in relationships with people. I wouldn't want a life where I wasn't serving people.

People might drain me at times and I may want to scream and say fuck it, but when it comes down it what is life if you are just living for yourself?

That seems like a pretty lonely existence to me.

For it is in giving that we receive -Saint Francis of Assisi