Perfectionism.
It is what society tells us to strive for.
Be smarter, be richer, be skinner.
Do more, be more.
Hey guess what society? You make me freaking exhausted.
And you know what else?
Society is a conundrum, that is what I have decided.
Society asks us to be better, to morph ourselves into these perfect beings and yet it does not give us the grace to learn.
I am obsessed with listening to podcasts on my runs right now. I mean does it get any better, it is a body and mind workout. I think that is called winning!
But that is beside the point, the point is I listened to a podcast that interviewed Parker Palmer and Courtney Martin, two incredible people who came together to talk about sustainable. social change.
Two quotes stood out to me.
One by Parker Palmer:
“We're whiplashed between the arrogant over-estimation of ourselves, and a servile under-estimation of ourselves.”
The other by Courtney Martin:
"We live in a culture that does not give us a lot of models of what it looks like to learn in public".
And then I was reading a Daring Greatly by the infamous Brene Brown in which she said:
"Shame-resilient cultures nurture folks who are much more open to soliciting, accepting and incorporating feedback...these cultures also further engaged, tenacious people who expect to have to try and try again to get it right -- people who are much more willing to get innovative and creative in their efforts"
Sometimes I feel like the universe is talking to me...today is told me that I need to stop trying to be perfect.
It told me that I will find my best self when I start being my real self, flaws and all.
Like Parker said, there are certain things I love about myself. I love my ability to run vast distances rather quickly, I love that I am book smart and can hold a 4.0 GPA, I love that my ability to wake up and make myself do anything I put my mind too
but on the other hand I hate my self doubt, I hate that I cannot shake the feeling that I will never be good enough in any sphere in my life, that I will always somehow be lacking, I hate that I feel a constant void in myself and a need to be in connection with people to heal that, I hate that I need people.
People hurt. People are what make up the society that is harshly judgmental. People are the ones who do not allow us to learn in public.
We live in society that thrives on negative criticism. We nit-pick and find flaws in most anything, we are conditioned to find the bad over the brilliant.
I have an honest confession to make.
I have this co-worker I have a really, really hard time working with. My coworker is constantly asking if he is doing his job right, he is constantly questioning everything he does.
It drives me nuts. I always think "have some self-confidence and take control!"
But then when he asks "what can I do to get better?" I think, "shoot, I should ask that question too but I don't have the confidence too"
Criticism is hard to take, I would like to be perfect so I avoid the questions that can make me better at what I do.
So instead of being frustrated with my co-worker, maybe I am just envious of his openness and ability to be vulnerable. He knows he is not perfect and owns it.
What if we could all own our mistakes and imperfections? What if it was acceptable to make a fool of ourselves in public and learn?
What if society didn't mock and ridicule when a person made a mistake?
We all know we are human, but why can we not accept our human emotions and actions?
All of us failed to match out dreams of perfection. -William Faulker
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