Flying with Broken Wings

I would like to say these past 31 days of blogging has changed me, opened me up by being able to write about my life, my feelings, my journey, but in all honestly I am realizing this is just the beginning.

Some days are really amazing and others are truly agonizing.

31 days ago I decided to start blogging. I was laying in bed, truly over life and feeling defeated. New Year's Eve had been a bust, my car had gotten broken into, my bank accounts had been empty, and I missed Jordan, I missed the stability and constant idea of always having someone. The idea that no matter what I had someone that would tell me "I love you".

Fast forward 31 days to right now and I am sitting at my kitchen table. My car window is fixed, my bank account is secure, but there is still a void in my heart that will never replace Jordan. I still miss the stability, the idea of never being alone, I miss waking up and going to bed every night hearing "I love you".

I have no idea where my life is going to take me, and right now I cannot see much past tomorrow, the most pointless things seem so looming when you are readjusting to life on your own.

Honestly the things I am working towards are my marathon and my graduation. From there I believe life will open up. I can do anything once I graduate. I literally have nothing holding me down. I will be completely unattached.

I mean I have my family here, but I know they will always be here for me. They are my rock and they are more then supportive to watch me spread my wings and fly.

And I plan to soar.

Which is terrifying and exciting.

I am working on crawling out of my comfort zone and being vulnerable with life. I don't really know what that looks like but for now I am just going to try it...

Because I have nothing to lose, which is the most awful, wonderful thing to realize.

To be vulnerable with life is to:

love unconditionally and not know if you are going to receive love back.

try something new every day and ask questions that people might think you are crazy or stupid for asking.

to cry when you need to, even if it is at the exactly wrong moment.

to ask for help, even if it is from a stranger.

to admit defeat and failure and embrace success.

to compliment yourself on your achievements and talk well about yourself, even if people think you are just being arrogant.

to say good-bye and not know if there will ever be a new hello.

I have said my good-byes, I have felt defeat, I have definitely cried at the wrong times but now I must work on the positives.

I need to learn to love unconditionally, to ask questions and ask for help, to embrace my success and learn to compliment myself on how fucking amazing I am.

I am Rosemary Serena Bishop and today is the last day of my blogging challenge but only the tip of what I am about to discover...(don't worry I'll keep blogging about my discoveries)

On my back I have tattoo that I feel is fitting for my final quote for my 31 days of blogging...

You can fly with broken wings.