RE: Def: To do again FRAME: Def: A particular state; as of the mind

There is this quote I stumbled on the other day and fell in love with, it says:

In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that have shaped you. – Andrea Dykstra

Now I feel like this is a pretty simple idea and some people may love all their experiences and life choices they have had or made throughout their life.

I however am not one of those people. 

I have taken the path less traveled, especially compared to my other siblings. I have gone rogue on my decision making and learning from trial and many errors rather than listening to the wise advice from others.

There are decisions and life choices that I am not particularly proud of; there are segments in my life where I seriously wonder how I made it through intact. And yet here I am making (what I like to think of as) wiser decisions.

But that doesn’t mitigate my past or make how I view my self any more favorable. I still have glaring cognitions that constantly remind me to do more, be more, to push harder and make up for the bumpy past.

So in therapy today (Yup, more therapy talk, this lady is a saint! I am telling you!) We talked about cognitive distortions.  My three glaring cognitive distortions that I thought I had under control are:

1. I am a failure
2. I am a dumb girl
3. I am irresponsible

Now these three distortions are most glaring when I talk about getting lost but apparently with trauma, well trauma does a great job at pulling up all the shit you thought you fixed or at least buried deep enough to not have to worry about for another decade or so.

So here I am feeling like a dumb, irresponsible girl that is failing at life.

WEEEEE!!!! Who doesn’t love feeling that way?

Well me, actually and I think most people.

Negative cognitions are vicious and most every person has them.  The funny thing about negative cognitions is they can sneak attack and kidnap all the positive cognitions. For every ten positive cognitive thoughts, one, just one negative cognitive thought can take hostage of all the good yumminess that was once present.

So I can either throw up my hands and say fuck it and let my negative cognitions hijack my brain (which is easy to do) or I can be a ninja and fight back.

I am practicing my ninja moves as I type; these ninja moves are actually called reframing.

I am assuming most everyone has heard the cliché term “reframe”, change the perspective and it will change the situation.

Simple, right?

WRONG

For every negative cognition, you must reframe it three times.

One simple example I will use is my negative cognition that haunts me daily:

I am fat.  (thanks irrational brain for making feel like fattie)

Now the three reframing phrases: 

1. I workout every day
2. I eat healthy
3. My BMI is no where near the unhealthy range

This is the rational brain and rational thinking. It seems REALLY simple but even as I write my reframing sentences my irrational brain says BUT you ate chips today or had a cookie.

Essentially it is like Jekyll and Hyde in the brain, the good and the bad fighting for the show. BUT the more you practice rational thinking it will become easier and you will start to believe it…(or at least that is what my therapist promised)

So here I am, reframing my life, my experiences. My awkward, jumbled past that I have created negative cognitions for are no longer negative. I am learning to accept my past, that I am human, that all my mistakes and my less than traditional path has helped create me to be me.

And I may not ne perfect, but I am good.