I am not actually sure if I am ready to talk/write
about my experience on my road trip, especially how it ended, but I feel the
first step in the healing process is to scrutinize my experience through
writing, so here we go.
I wrote a blog before I left about how I was
nervous for my trip for a reason I couldn't put my finger on. It was almost
like I had a premonition that this trip held something big for me, however, I
did not know this trip would hold for me what I consider, my first encounter
with the idea of dying.
I had five days left in my trip when I left Bryce Canyon to stop in
Capitol Reef and then head to Canyonlands and Arches National Park.
I didn’t stay in Capitol Reef; I just drove through and stopped a few
places to hike. It isn’t a very well known national park but I am still glad I
took the time to explore its nooks and crannies. It was a long day after
driving 5 hours and hiking 15 miles so once I got to Canyonlands I just found a
campsite and called it a night. By this point in my trip I was exhausted and
losing motivation to keep exploring.
However when I woke up the next morning the sun had not yet risen and I
decided the best way to start my last few days on my exploration was a sunrise
hike. I do sunrise hikes at home and they feed my soul, so I thought what could
be better then a sunrise hike in a national park! Many of the hikes in
Canyonlands have warnings not to hike alone and only for experienced hikers. I
wisely chose not to partake in any of those hikes! I chose a 10-mile hike with
a quick decline start of 1600 feet into a canyon that followed riverbeds to the
famous Zeus and Moses rock formations.
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| Wishing Stones |
When I started the hike I felt trepidations because the 1600 foot
decline had no trail due to rock slides but the trail that once had been there
was marked by stacked stones or as my friend Ari told me were called wishing
stones. I stopped about half way down to see if the trail became any easier to
navigate once I arrived down into the canyon. I could make out light traces of
a trail so I kept going assuming following the trail would become simpler.
 |
| Zeus and Moses |
As I proceeded down the rocks I kept thinking “should I turn around?”
and then I debated if this was my common sense talking or just fear. I chalked
it up to just fear and kept marching along. (For those who know me I can be
very head strong once I get my mind set on an idea.) I made it down into the
canyon and the trail was a little easier to follow, but the wishing stones
still marked the way. For the next 4 miles I hiked in utter silence. I was just
the desert and me. It was a surreal feeling. I stopped to eat a snack and just
stared out and relished how alone I felt and free. It was like no other
experience I have ever had. I kept
hiking and finally saw the famous rock formations I was hunting for. After
being in the desert with the same landscape surrounding you it is pretty
exciting to see huge rock formations! I quickly hiked through the brush to go
explore these huge rock formations. I climbed and scampered around and just loved
being out there exploring! After a while I made the decision to start heading
back before it got too hot out. I had packed 2.5 liters of water, an apple,
carrots, and a Cliff bar so I felt I could stay out a while but knew I couldn’t
handle mid-afternoon desert heat.
As I started back I went on the one river route I saw that went in the
similar direction I came from. I started hiking and after about a mile I
realized I didn’t recognize a lot of the scenery. There were more boulders,
plants and standing water. I was thinking quiet a bit while I hiked in to the
rock formations so I figured I was just oblivious to my surroundings as I hiked
in. After 2 miles I started worrying, but I saw tracks that kind of resembled
footprints and reassured myself I was going the right way. At 3 miles I still couldn’t shake the feeling
something was wrong. I am not a religious person but I asked God for a sign if
I was going the right or wrong way, I started talking to the universe for
guidance. By mile 4 I came into a boulder field, which I knew I would of
remembered. I sat down and tried to think logically of what I should do. I
first checked my food and water supplies. I had eaten my apple and carrots but
I still had my Cliff bar, I had about 20 mL left of my water. I figured I could
hike back to the rock formations and look for my tracks and wishing
stones. By the time I was hiking back
the sun was already high in the sky and I was feeling tired but determined and
hopeful. I hiked back the four miles I had came and kept reassuring myself I
was fine. I kept imagining being back at my car drinking deeply from my water
bottles and celebrating.
Once back at the rock formations I searched for my footprints, after
about an hour I found one. I rejoiced and allowed myself to eat half my Cliff
bar and drink a little water. I knew I only had 5 miles back to the trailhead.
I knew I could do it. Trying to follow my path was tough but I did it for about
a mile, the going was slow but I was making my way. I had followed the riverbed
most of the way in to the rock formations so when I couldn’t find a footprint I
trusted my gut. I made it quiet a ways, about 3 miles of following my
footprints and wishing stones until I came to another large boulder that
blocked my path. I searched and searched to find another footprint or wishing
stone to follow but couldn’t find one. By this time the sun was high and the
heat was at its peak. I had been out since 5am and it was already 3pm. I sat down to let my legs rest and finished
my Cliff bar and drank a little more water. I told myself with the little
strength I had left I could make it out of the canyon. I was actually surprised
at my own self-talk at how uplifting and positive it was. For the next hour I
kept searching and found my way out of the riverbed and into the rocks. The sun
was blazing and my water eventually ran out.
I started thinking about my family and my nieces. I started really
getting worried. By 4pm I started getting dizzy and seeing purple spots. I told
myself if I didn’t find my way by 5pm I would call for help. I kept searching
and walking but my body was giving up, I kept having to sit down after losing
my balance. Around 5 I thought I had found the area I had come from and gained
a little hope I started trekking to where I thought the trail might be. I kept
seeing wishing stones and hiking towards them but when I got to where I thought
the wishing stones were, they weren’t actually there. I finally sat down and
tried licking out my water bottles and sucking my apple core because I was so
thirsty. This just started a reaction of forceful dry heaving. I curled up
around a rock that was in semi-shade and cried. I felt defeated.
I finally accepted I had to call for help. My dad got me a tracker
earlier this summer, which I told him I didn’t need. As I pushed the SOS button
on my tracker my heart burst with love for my family who always watches out for
me and knows what I need better then I do.
It took about an hour before I heard the helicopter. I stayed curled
around that rock. My whole body hurt, it felt like my stomach was stabbing
itself and I couldn’t stop dry heaving. I tried to figure out what I would do
if I had to be here overnight. I looked out over the desert to find a safe
place to put myself. As soon as I heard the helicopter I peeled myself off the
rock and stood up and started waving my arms wildly, like you see in the
movies. The helicopter flew around for about 20 minutes; it kept leaving and
coming back. I jumped and flapped my arms like a wild woman and screamed. It
finally landed near me and I grabbed my bag and stumbled towards the
helicopter. The paramedics came out to me and grabbed me. All I could do was
shake and cry. They were the most wonderful people I have ever met. The
stabilized me in the canyon and then flew me out around 7pm. The rest of the evening is a blur of talking
to police, rangers, and paramedics. Once I was finally released from their care
I stayed in Moab but couldn’t sleep. I just wanted to be home. I ended up
curling up in the back of my car and sleeping, it felt the safest.
I am now home. The first two days back were filled with tumultuous
emotions that ranged from heart warming feelings of happiness that I was home
with my family and yet this awful feeling of questioning life and sever
sadness. I was sick to my stomach and on any given moment I would burst into
tears. Slowly my physical and emotional health is getting better but I still
sit here and struggle.
I will blog later on the trip and the process of recovery but for now
this is where I am at. All I can say is I am thankful for all the love and
support I have been shown since being home. I am truly blessed.
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