Road Trips and Trails

I am going on a road trip!

I love my job because it gives me the flexibility to travel! I wasn't sure how this summer was going to end up because I couldn't decide what to do or where to go. On top of that I decided to work the Extend School Year (ESY) where I am working with intensive skills students which lasts 4 weeks out of the summer.

So instead of leaving the states this summer and traveling to an exotic region I decided to take a road trip.

My last day of ESY is on Wednesday and I am leaving for my road trip immediately after work.

So where is this road trip taking me?

Let me tell you!

First stop is at Lake Selma in Josephine, Oregon, then off to drive Highway 101 down through the Redwoods. From the Redwoods I am taking Highway 1 to Big Sur (to enjoy the beauty of Big Sur, since last time I was there it was kind of difficult to enjoy the scenery while running a marathon). From Big Sur I am skirting over to Yosemite to revel in all it's splendor I have heard about. From there I am traveling through Nevada through the Great Basin and stopping and the Great Basin National Park. Up next from the Great Basin is Utah and Utah's 5 astounding national parks; Zion, Bryce Canyon, Capitol Reef, Canyon Lands and Arches. After I have explored through those national parks I am going to start my excursion back home and am planning on stopping at Hell's Canyon then home!

I will be driving over 3000 miles and will be gone 20 days!

I have a few friends who want to meet me in different places for a few days but overall this will be a solo adventure.

And yet I look back on my trip to Costa Rica and thought that would also be a solo adventure and yet I met people who I still consider family. I may have traveled alone but I was never alone.

So as I get ready for this trip I am trying to tame my anxiety and sub-conscious nervousness.

I woke up today and just felt off, like my mind and body just were not connecting correctly. I wanted to hermit and shove everything and everyone out of my life (which I have now learned that I only react this way when I am stressed/anxious/nervous/fearful)

I rationally know I have NOTHING to be stressed about. It is suppose to be a fun, carefree, adventurous trip...

So why did I wake up today wanting to hermit?

And I cannot actually answer that question.

My nervousness when I left for Costa Rica made sense to me because I had never traveled out the country by myself, let alone a country where I didn't fluently speak the language.

But nervousness for this trip? I have spent lots of time backpacking, camping and hiking by myself. This is just an extended version of what I normally do on my weekends.

But when I really drill down on why I am nervous and want to hermit I believe it is because I fear what I will learn, which I get sounds completely ridiculous.

When I went to Costa Rica it was to prove to myself I was OK by myself, that I could live the life I wanted without anyone by my side. In Costa Rica I faced demons that I never expected and found answers I didn't know I was looking for.

And knowing that I am leaving for another solo adventure scares me. I didn't plan this trip to find myself or prove anything to myself and that is the scariest thing because for once I feel like I am finally starting to figure out myself and what makes me tick.

I am terrified of what I may find out about myself...

I relate it back to hiking. It is like when one trail diverges into two and you have to decide which one to take. You don't know what either trails holds or which one is the "right" trail.

Right now, at this exact moment, I am on one trail and am pretty content and yet I know this trip has the ability to make my one trail diverge and I will be forced to look deeply into myself and make decisions.

Ultimately I know this is not a negative thing, it is the most positive thing I can do for myself, to push myself past my comfort zones and boundaries and really live life without my self prescribed limits, but that sure doesn't take the fear out of it.

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T.S. Eliot