Why is it when someone has a big emotion people look and stare and then shuffle away and whisper about what they have just witnessed.
The other day I was walking downtown and a man, who appeared to be a business man, he was nicely dressed and seemed to be put together, was excitedly jumping around and celebrating.
I watched as people shuffled around and commentated. I heard a few chuckles and a few comments saying the man was crazy. I could see maybe calling him crazy if he looked homeless, because that would be all to stereotypical.
But a man, a business man, celebrating in public...does that make him crazy?
What about public displays of emotion makes people so uncomfortable?
I atteneded Dane's funeral today.
It was heart wrenching. Dane was a Portland Police Office and the funeral had the ceremonial traditions for any fallen officer. So the funeral opened with bag pipes and closed with bag pipes playing Amazing Grace.
It was really emotional, I found myself holding my breath and biting my lip to keep the tears from streaming down my face and as I looked around everyone else was doing something similar. We were all choking back the tears.
When the ceremony ended, I was talking to my sister, who also attended the funeral.
I had a slew of random questions like,
-How often do you think the bag pipe players practice?
-Is that their only job?
-How long do you think they have been playing together?
I had to explain myself because the questions were a bit random. I admitted that instead of sitting with the pain of thinking about Dane, I let my mind be distracted with useless questions that kept me from breaking down.
Even after the funeral, as Dane's wife and children walked out, they kept it together, they were stoic.
We are taught to be stoic when faced with tragedy.
But I don't understand why.
Why do we make all our emotions to be all one, long stagnant, linear line? Where does that get us?
When are we allowed to outwardly celebrate or grieve?
I don't believe masking our emotions gets us anywhere. I think keeping emotions to a minimum creates adverse emotional health affects.
When I came home I felt exhausted and angry. I wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything. I curled up and hid.
Later in the day I had to go to the Post Office to figure out a shipping conundrum. As I spoke with the employee helping me I became emotional, tears brimmed my eyes and as I left I broke down and sobbed in my car.
But I made sure I kept it contained until I made it to my car, because no one wants to see someone sobbing. That is a no no in the social etiquette book.
I wasn't upset at the Post Office (well, I was a little but not enough to cry over it). All my emotions that I bottled up from the morning at Dane's funeral came pouring out and after I let myself sit with the pain and my tears I began to feel better. I began to feel at peace.
I went to yoga right after and was able to confine in a close friend my day and my emotions. I was able to display emotions publicly and it was cathartic.
Now that I look back on my day I am remembering what my old, wise therapist use to tell me when I was overcoming the loss of Jordan.
She told me: "Ride your emotions like a wave, you cannot out run the wave, it will eventually catch you, so sit in the wave and ride it until it comes to the shore".
I always understood and appreciated this idea, but I think I understand it more after today. I have been practicing riding the wave, but always in the comfort of my own home, where no one can see me and I don't have to show my vulnerable side but it is coming to my attention that I need to be able to ride the wave in public.
I realize certain times it is not possible to publicly display my emotions, but I think most times it is OK. As a society we have engrained in ourselves that we must keep emotions bottled up and keep moving forward.
Emotions in our society are not seen as productive and lucrative, they are hinderance but I coming to believe emotions are the foundation to be fully human.
How can we interact and live within a community when we cannot even be emotionally open and honest?
It goes against the grain but I believe we need to start publicly displaying our emotions, the good and the bad.
If I want to cheer because I found out good news, than damn it I will or if I need to cry I am going to, because life is beautiful and emotions are the essence of the soul.
We cannot keep covering them because it makes people feel uncomfortable or because they seem unproductive.
Be gentle first with yourself - if you wish to be gentle with others. -Lama Yeshe
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